MECHANICSBURG — Witnesses confirmed Thursday that Dale Whitaker, 54, successfully defended his position that the coffee at Simple Coffee Co. on Main Street is “objectively superior” to a refill bag from Hemisphere Coffee Roasters on E. Sandusky — a claim he has been making since approximately 2019 with no supporting lab work.
“It’s the vibe,” Whitaker said, gesturing toward the downtown corner where Sandusky meets Main. “You can taste the commitment.”
His opponent, a man who only wanted to grab Hemisphere beans and leave, reportedly muttered “okay” four times before Whitaker accepted this as full surrender.
A third faction still insists the pot at the Sunoco-adjacent gas stations out on US-36 “gets the job done,” which both coffee people agreed was a personal attack.